Shell-shocked
by Scarletfern
Summary: Sort of an extra scene for "Evil Did I Dwell, Lewd I Did Live". Set between Borden's death and the team's return to the NYO. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot or any of these characters**

…

"...you….you know….I….I really….did….care about you." Nigel Thornton panted out, his statement sounding almost like a question, as blood seeped out of the multiple bullet wounds. _A plea for forgiveness? No, that's crazy. Maybe some twisted form of penance?_ Patterson thought to herself.

"No. You lied to me. You betrayed me. You...you destroyed me," She said, feeling something break inside of her with the words. "So put down the gun, get on your knees, and get your hands in the air." She finished, shaking slightly and fighting off a wave of nausea.

For a few moments, the only sound in the deserted barn was that of his harsh breathing. That, paired with the deranged look in his cold brown eyes and the blood staining his teeth made him seem almost demented. Then, he finally slams the gun down on the floor, seemingly in defeat. She slowly moves forward, gun in one hand, cuffs in the other, not quite believing that he was giving up so easily. She should have known better. Moments later, once she was only a couple of feet out from him, he pulled something from the inside of his jacket. A grenade. As her eyes widened with the realization, the gun slipped from her finger-tips, hitting the dirt floor with a muffled thump. She backed away slowly, staring at him in horror.

A strange look, seeming to be half of a grimace and half of a bitter smile, crossed Thornton's face as he grimly said "I...didn't want...to do this." And with that, he flipped the pin on the grenade, and, letting it drop from his hand, allowed it to roll towards the nearest propane tank, where it settled with a tiny, decisive clink as it came in contact with the rusty metal.

Patterson freezes for less than a millisecond before whirling around, dashing desperately through the old wooden structure, and flinging herself through the doorway, just as a rolling wave of sweltering heat explodes behind her with a deafening _bang_ , followed by a large _whump_ as the fire consumes the propane.

She turns, staring in shock, frozen, with her mind just as consumed by the flames as the recently ignited fuel. Faintly, she hears someone shouting in her right ear, as she dimly remembers the comm that electronically connects her with the rest of the team. Traumatized, she tries to form a reply of some kind, but she can't seem to find the words.

…

They had all been standing around the dead Sandstorm operatives, wondering _what the Hell had just happened?,_ when Patterson's half terrified, half determined voice came over their comms, shaking slightly as she said " _I've got Borden. Barn. Southeast end of the property."_ She breathlessly explained.

"Don't engage! Wait for backup!" he yelled, shouting instructions at her, shouldering his weapon, already in motion, knowing damn well the entire time that she wouldn't wait for backup, wouldn't give Borden the chance to escape again. He broke into a run, Jane and Zapata following closely on his heels.

As they near the barn, a massive explosion rocks the ground and they stumble, nearly falling to the ground.

" _Patterson!"_ He yells her name as they stare into the flames, sparks flying all around them, the acrid smell of burning propane hanging in the air. There's a sinking feeling deep in his gut as he realizes that they're too late, that she must be dead, because he knows that _no one_ could survive being in _that_ kind of explosion.

Seconds later, he hears a small, barely audible gasp from Jane just before her hand comes down on his shoulder.

"Over there!" She yells over the deafening roar of the fire, her voice full of hope and relief.

He follows her gaze, his eyes watering against the smoky background. Finally, he is able to make out Patterson, who is standing dangerously close to the raging inferno, frozen stiff, staring vacantly into the rapidly growing wall of flames, shock and despair clearly written on her face.

"Patterson!" he calls as they run over to her.

Jane and Zapata try to pull her to safety, but she remains rooted to the spot, shaking uncontrollably and gasping for air. They carefully drag her a few yards away, trying to calm her down. He doesn't have to ask; he knows that Borden must be in there somewhere, dead, burned to death in the blaze.

"Patterson, Patterson, it's okay. You're safe now." They try to reassure her, but she still doesn't seem to register that they're there with her, just stares into the fire, distress evident on her face. Suddenly, her knees buckle, unable to support either her or the weight of the tragedy that had presumably just happened. Jane and Zapata catch her as she pitches forward, nearly crumpling to the ground.

 _What the hell happened in there?_

…

The next thing Patterson knows, she is sitting slumped on the concrete steps leading into the safehouse, leaning heavily against the railing, the rest of her team clustered around her as a paramedic checks her over.

She knows she's in shock, knows that they're asking her questions that need to be answered, but she can't understand them, and even if she could, she doesn't think that she could even begin to form a response of any kind.

Memories are whirling through her thoughts, whipping faster and faster through her mind, certain ones catching her attention and stabbing at her heart like separate lightning strikes. Her chest tightens with every single one.

" _I was wondering, um...Would you like to have dinner? With me, I mean?"_

" _You work for them, don't you?"_

" _They knew_ _ **everything!**_ "

" _Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…."_

" _Think of the intel she could provide…."_

" _Goodbye, Agent Patterson."_

" _You destroyed me."_

" _I didn't want to do this_

Somebody, she's not sure who, brings her jacket to her and pulls it around her shoulders. Only then does she realize how badly she is shivering.

Still unable to process her movements, she barely registers when Jane and Weller pull her to her feet and propel her over to the SUV. Somehow, she winds up in the backseat with a seatbelt pulled around her.

She numbly stares off into space, not noticing Tasha watching her intently with a concerned expression on her face, Reade looking slightly worried, but still staring pointedly out the window, and Jane and Weller take turns casting worried glances in her direction from the front seat.

…

After they arrived back at the NYO, once the rest of the team has broken away to do their paperwork, Weller takes Patterson into his office. He needed to debrief her, but he also needed to know whether or not she was going to be alright. She definitely didn't _look_ alright. She was slumped in the chair on the opposite side of his desk with a glazed expression on her face, very clearly still in shock.

"Patterson? Patterson!" He said, watching her closely, trying to get her attention.

"Huh?" She asked, not sounding terribly focused.

"What happened out there?" He wanted to be mad at her for disobeying his direct orders, but looking at how badly she had been affected, he didn't really have the heart to. And besides, he didn't think that yelling at her while she was in this state would be very effective.

"I….shot him." She answered, staring at him, seemingly horrified with what she had just said.

Weller, assuming that there had to be more to the story, merely nodded and, gently prodding her to continue, said "And…?"

"He...ran. Into the barn. There were propane tanks. He...had a grenade." She looked down at the scrambler in her hand and didn't say anything else.

He would have preferred a more detailed account, but, realizing that she was too traumatized at the moment for that type of questioning, as well as the fact that she barely seemed to be able to string sentences together, he didn't press the matter.

He gave her a few minutes to pull herself together before he sighed, massaged his forehead and proceeded to explain with "This is why I wanted you to wait for backup. We can't afford to be reckless. We have to be careful. If we're not…." He broke off, looking at her expectantly.

She still didn't say anything, still wouldn't meet his gaze.

With another sigh, he again proceeded to try to get her attention "Patterson…."

"I...should probably go...get this tooth pulled…." She stammered after a few moments, nervously fiddling with the scrambler again.

He nodded reluctantly after a few moments, allowing her to get up and stumble out of his office.

He worriedly watched her stagger through the bullpen towards the SIOC elevator, his anxiety about her well-being growing when she froze up after spotting the blown up pictures of Nigel Thornton on the large computer monitors.

He was relieved when he saw Jane go over to her, snapping her out of her thoughts. That relief went into a downward spiral, however, when he watched as, only minutes later, Patterson got on the elevator, apparently insisting that she was fine.

She wasn't.

…

 **Thoughts?**


End file.
